I won’t have time for this tomorrow morning.
When I wake up after this operation I will have a new life. How I survive, feel about my confidence, the pain I endure everyday, and my mental being will all change. Not many people have a damn clue what my life involves. I wake up in the morning to prick my finger tip with a needle to squeeze my blood into a strip. And I repeat this EVERY time I am about to eat, or feel weird. I have to count every carbohydrate I eat. I have a machine clipped on my side 24/7 that has a small I.v that I MYSELF have to put in my leg or stomach. I give myself insulin before I eat or when my blood sugar is high. I have less than 30 minutes after getting a low blood sugar reading to eat fast acting sugar or no exaggeration I will die. But wait there’s more..
Are the age of 14, I was on year 4 of not only having diabetes but also having severe diseases through my digestive tract. I made the decision to have my colon removed to try to cure it. My body rejected it. The fake pouch created was inflamed and never worked as planned. A year later at 15 I was in an ambulance on my way to BALTIMORE where I would unexpectedly get an Emergency operation to repair tears/knots in my digestive tract. At age 20 I’m not giving up. I am going tomorrow to risk my life for this cure. Yes my stomach will be cut all the way up and down, yes I will have ALL of my lower digestive tract removed and tossed away. I will have a hole in my side connected to an ostomy.
Half of my days will be consumed by checking blood sugars, delivering insulin, inserting i.v, managing my carbs, and maintaining my ostomy. One thing I won’t deal with is peoples bullshit. If you think I will put up with anyone putting me down in my new life think again. I’m strong, brave, and beautiful even if I have a different body and way of keeping it alive. My life is precious. I LITERALLY would not be alive if I took a break for only a few hours. No I don’t want your sympathy. I want just want your support and friendship. And I can promise you if you ever wanna put me down there will be an army of people coming to you to make sure you don’t ever hurt me emotionally again. Now it’s time for me to prepare for war. I’ve looked death in the face before and laughed, and you better be damn sure I will defeat it again. Bring it.
I need to find a support group for my medical problems. This surgery is a risk with life and death. November 18th is the day. Gonna literally wake up to a new life. No turning back. I am not scared of dying, I am scared of time and not having enough to do what I want to in life, Being sick was NOT what I would ever wanna do the rest of my life. So I took action to change that. If it makes any sense the way I would describe it is: I am risking my life because I am afraid of dying before being able to see the day that I can be cured. Risking my life.. because I fear dying TOO EARLY. makes sense? maybe…
Soooo, ANYONE.. that has any of the following, let’s be friends and share stories of experiences.
Lets hear it for:
Type 1 Diabetes
Acid Reflux disease
Chrones and Colitis Patients
Ostomy, Colostomy patients
Anyone who has had adhesions as a complication to surgery,
Full colectomy (J-Pouch)
I did it again.. Totally made the decision to put myself through another major surgery to cure me and live a free life. I will wake up with a new range of possibilities from traveling to being able to choose what I wanna do whenever. Risking my life is scary but I’m brave.